This story traces my steps from a retarded non-verbal boy to a savvy professional man who is making a name for himself presenting on the importance of communication rights for all who can't speak in a conventional way. My journey has been difficult, stressful, and even frightening but the trip has been a success.

When I couldn't speak I was unable to participate in the world around me. Well, no longer. I am now able to communicate with the world around me and my life is certainly more my own. This all started as I began to learn to type with the help of a facilitator. While it may seem hard to understand I assure you that what you are seeing is my voice.

My loving parents and sister met my physical needs, but my thoughts were locked inside of me, as I just couldn't speak. It was infuriating at times that I couldn't express how I felt such as in situations where I needed trips to the restroom. I had trouble at school because most people thought I was unable to think. They would say cruel things thinking I couldn't understand. I also had trouble at home because I was unable to express my needs, which are different sometimes from most people. I for instance don't like lights and was unable to tell anyone. The light caused me pain in my eyes. The pain would cause me to sometimes freak out which was misunderstood. Running from the room for no apparent reason was the only control I had. They thought I was crazy, but I just couldn't express myself.

I was also never able to make friends in the real sense as I could only be talked to, not with. I was never alone but always lonely. I was unable to develop any new relationships. I was thinking I was going to live with the same loved ones my whole life. Many people tried to help me speak but I just couldn't get the words out. I had no dreams really. I was prepared to be a spectator in my own life. Yes, I was angry, but I had no one to blame. Frustration was there but I seldom allowed it to rule my life. Reality was I wanted to break things I was that miserable, but it would not solve anything anyway. I had no outlets to vent my pent up emotions. I became good at internalizing things. While keeping things in does not ruin a person, you can certainly release a lot by communicating. Imagine never being able to communicate any of your frustrations, fears, anger, hurts, wants, needs or joys. Time was starting to take its toll...

I had heard about communication tools but never had the opportunity to try them. While I used picture books and learned sign language, I had trouble, because so few people sign, and picture books only say so much.

I could not express my thoughts to anyone until I was almost 12 years old. I had a speech therapist who recognized I was smart and introduced me to sign language. She was a big help and my mom even took a class in signing. The next year there was a new speech therapist and she didn't sign, so I was without means to communicate at school and lost the support to sign. When I was 15, the speech therapist, another new one, started me with a language board. That was OK but wasn't really what I wanted to say, just canned responses.

I used the board since it was all I had but it was demeaning because it wasn't me talking. The next therapist thought if my dad recorded the responses I would like the board and use it more. By then I was almost 21 so no more speech therapist as I was out of school. I then went to SUNCOM and carried the language board wherever I went but didn't use it much. When I was 25 my mom heard about Facilitated Communication (FC) and ask Mary Lapos to screen me. Mary had been one of my teachers. She came to my house and asked lots of questions and I had to respond by pointing to the answers. That was the beginning of my real communication. Mary came to my house many times after that and taught mom and me all about FC. It was such a relief to be able to express my own thoughts and feelings. Now I am able to share with others the importance of FC in my life and offer the opportunity to others to learn about FC and AAC.

Now I am on a mission to make sure all methods of Alternative and Augmentative Communication (ACC) are offered to those people like me who can't speak but are valuable members of our world. Once they have the tools and support they need to communicate. I am no longer working in a sheltered workshop. I now have a job with Networks for Training and Development in Philadelphia, presenting at conferences and meetings about AAC and FC to educate all who want to learn. I also lead the Snack and Chat group that encourages everyone who uses AAC and FC to gather twice a month and type with each other and share our thoughts. My journey has been slower then I wanted but I am now making progress through my Person Centered Plan and my Circle to become the real person I am. The real me is funny, creative, smart and a great presenter. Everyone must open their minds and accept that we are just a competent as you are and deserve respect and a chance to live our lives as we want, not as someone else decides. Please allow us to become all we be, not what you think we can't be!

--Mark